Jettison All Life Rafts

 

 A certain group of pirates going into battle would jettison and destroy all life rafts, this way they'd have no plan B, no safety net or get out clause. Therefore they'd have to fight till the death, giving them more of a will and drive to win, no doubt in their mind that if things started going against them they could escape. It was life or death. I'm not saying I'm in exactly the same boat (or ship) as far as life and death, but that has been my way of thinking since I decided to become a musician and make a real go of it.

 

Working as a mechanical engineer making parts for aeroplanes was never going to be my life. From the moment I walked into the factory to do my interview I was asked "If I could see myself working in a place like this?" and my answer was of course "Yes, definitely!" Even though inside, my head and heart were screaming "NOOOOO FUCKIN WAY" It was an interview and I wanted the job. I had no other real options. At this point I'd never even picked up a guitar, played a chord or even sang in public. I wasn't true to myself but I did what I had to do to get the apprenticeship.

Two years down the line and I'd taken about as much as I could. Hating waking up in the mornings to go waste my life standing next to a stinking machine watching cutters churn up metal. I could have even sometimes cried if I'd let myself. Sounds ridiculous I know, but that's just how bad a career choice it was for me. What a life! In forty years I'd have a nice house and a car and a fair bit of savings but no amount of material possessions would stop me being a bitter old man thinking 'What if?'

I'd previously taken Engineering in school and gotten a merit at GNVQ level (or maybe a pass, but it's staying merit on my CV, who the hell tells the truth on their CV anyway?!?!) The day I left (the day I was expelled) I remember thinking "Well at least I won't have to do that ever again" Three years later and I go land myself a job in an industry so far removed from the direction I should've been heading. Probably the complete opposite in fact. It was just so dull, but like I said, I had no other real options and it seemed a better opportunity for a career than working in retail like I was at the time.

Get Out Of This Hole

It was the same as any other day, I made my way on the bus, full of angst and a horrible heavy feeling in my chest when I turned the corner and saw the factory. I had my Ipod on as it was always the only thing that could possibly perk me up and get me to actually go in to do another mind numbingly boring shift. It was Badly Drawn Boys album 'The Hour Of Bewilderment' and the song 'Logic of a friend' came on as I walked closer to the work doors. That's when the four most important lines of my life to date made their way down the wire, into my ears and engraved themselves on my mind.

There's a feast well prepared at the table

And a beast licking holes in your door

Make a break just as soon as you're able to run

GET OUT OF THIS HOLE BEFORE IT TAKES YOUR SOUL

So that's what I did, I got out of the hole. I went in that day and quit. With no clue of what I was going to do or where I was going to next. 

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=DjCDL8Ey2_U

Never Too Late To Be What You Might Have Been

It was the Victorian writer George Elliot who said 'It's never too late too late to be what you might have been" and for my 21st birthday I asked for a guitar. I'd always wanted to play but as I got older I kept telling myself it was too late, I was too old. You can't teach an old dog new tricks and the like, but someone once told me that Pete Doherty was nineteen when he started playing guitar, so if he could do it, then why couldn't I? I've since realised that this is totally wrong and they were probably thinking of his age when The Libertines formed, however it was a good enough gee for me to at least try. (I'm not comparing myself to Pete Doherty's genius in anyway here, I'm just stating that it was this factual error that gave me the kick up the arse and positive spin I needed) 

A friend showed me how to read chords from a music book and so I took it from there. I practiced and taught myself. I'm still teaching myself. I've never taken a lesson after I watched an interview with Placebo's Brian Molko recommending against it.

My first ever gig was a few years later, helping out a friend who's band was short of a guitarist. We practiced on the Tuesday and I had till Friday to learn about ten-twelve songs. The gig went well and I was on board, playing rhythm guitar. I played a couple of fun years with the band, playing covers in local pubs most weekends but my need to further my horizons was growing.

I'd always wanted to get away from my home town, I felt like life was passing me by and I wasn't seeing anything of the world. The same as everyone else I'm sure, but I wasn't happy sitting there saying it, I had to do it. I'd always used a job, a girlfriend or study as an excuse not to leave but now I had non of this, nothing to keep me around. I didn't want to be a gobshite.

At this time I had just finished studying Production Arts in college, a National Diploma in stage management, lighting and sound. I wanted to get into music and events and looked for jobs working abroad that would go with my experience of roadie like work, setting up for gigs and festivals. This is what led me to Ibiza Rocks.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=C_gLcmUAfeY

Change, Change, Change

I did my first ever solo performance as a favour to a friend who had returned from his travels, another friend who was about to embark on his own adventures in Australia and just for good measure, a Halloween party. All three rolled into one made it quite an event. The pub was rammed, so much so that they ran out of glasses to serve what little amount of alcohol they had left. I knew I hadn't practiced enough so that added to me being without doubt the most nervous I'd ever felt, certainly the worst I've felt for a gig anyway. Nearly getting locked up in Thailand was a different kind of nervousness, but that's another story!

The gig was a success, everybody loved it. Personally I knew I could do better but it was the beginning, a good start. Within a week I was offered another gig. This time in a much bigger venue with a lot higher stakes. It was an annual end of year Christmas event in the biggest live music venue in North Wales. All the established or up and coming local bands played every year, so to be offered that opportunity after just one unaccompanied gig wasn't too shabby in my eyes. It wasn't too long until Christmas but it gave me a little time to practice and write enough of my own songs to perform.

I practiced with a friend the day of the gig and he added some lead guitar parts. I know procrastination is an understatement but even though we were so last minute about it, I wasn't really nervous. We played a half hour set with two covers. This time I was a lot happier with the performance and I finally knew what I wanted to do with my life. I just had to work out how. 

Flying Solo

Ibiza has the reputation as the biggest and best party island in Europe, if not the world and rightly so. Once you go there you very rarely go anywhere else (for that kind of holiday) as it's the daddy of all islands. It had never really interested me as I wasn't a huge fan of the music scene but now Ibiza Rocks was a big part of the set-up. Good music under the Balearic stars. I could do with a bit of that in my life. It could be the perfect opportunity.

I'd originally stumbled across the advert when I was looking for a job working on the stage. There was nothing of this type but they advertised for security (My guns wouldn't cut it) Chefs (I'm a great cook but I'm no Ramsey) and a role on the host team (I like talking to new people, some of whom would be scantily clad ladies in bikinis) That was the one for me!! 2500 applicants were whittled down to forty. I got through the first interview in London and was called back for an interview weekend in Watford. From the remaining people, six got chosen to work in Ibiza and one of them people just happened to be me.

I flew out to Ibiza 14th May 2011 and started work as a host for Ibiza Rocks Hotel the next day. It was the fastest flight I'd ever been on. I don't remember anything about it apart from waking up after the landing and an old couple smiling at me. The kind of look that gave me the impression I'd drunkenly snored for the whole flight. Nothing worse than a drunken snore! As it very often does, one civilised goodbye drink the previous evening had turned into several and I seem to remember still being in McDonalds at 6am, when I was due to be picked up for the airport run at 5.

I'd taken my guitar with me in the hope of being able to play some gigs. I auditioned for the owner and other big wigs and it went well. I got the gig. I worked sixty hours a week that summer and on my days off and split shifts I played on the hotel main stage or on the boat trip. If I wasn't playing to people I was practicing in my room. Trying to get better and increase my repertoire. I was still pretty new, I hadn't done too many gigs so I had a lot to learn and fast. Within seven months I'd done my first ever solo performance in a small pub in North Wales and now I was playing the best live music venue on the best music island. I was pretty pleased with that.

Beg, Steal or Borrow

During the winter I did what most seasonal workers from Ibiza do and travelled Asia. I spent four months between Thailand, Cambodia and Laos and it was during this time I was offered a residency at Ibiza Rocks.

I received the email when I was exploring Chang Mai in the north of Thailand. It began by explaining I wouldn't be offered my old job. On a different day I may have stopped reading at that point. Luckily I read on and discovered I would be performing instead. In a weird way, I suppose you could say I got promoted by being sacked!

I wonder how many people have received a similar email and not read the full details, jumped to conclusions and replied with an arsey farewell?!?!

So this was it, music was going to be my sole, one and only income. I'd be performing live on the hotel stage, the boat trip, at the bar and the diner. When I returned to Wales I played as many gigs as I could as I had to save for my flights and accommodation. 28th May 2012 I arrived in Ibiza to start my new life as a musician.

It was hard work, people probably think you just turn up, play for an hour or two and off you toddle, but there's a lot more to it than that. There's always so much to do on that island and the sun is always shining, so to sit in your apartment most days practicing, learning and writing songs is a job in itself. Then there's the temptations and the urges you have to fight. I've previously mentioned Pete Doherty and stated 'if he could do it, then why couldn't I' Well, that's one thing I definitely can't do. I can't think of any other musicians (who are alive) that can get in a complete state, play and still get away with it. As I found out to my peril in Dubai. I will never drink that much whiskey before a gig ever again!

It may sound like I'm moaning here but I'm really not, one iota. I wouldn't change it for the world. I just have to think of jobs in the past to know that. As Confucious said 'Choose a job you love, and you will never have to work a day in your life. Neither am I saying I was an angel, never went out and indulged in the madness that Island has to offer. I did, I did it A LOT!

My first year as a musician was amazing and I've now been making a living playing music for about three years, playing both my own music and covers depending on the venue. Travelling the UK, living and playing in Wales, London, Ibiza and Dubai and I've pretty much had to resort to the 'Beg, steal or borrow' mentality that I'm sure 95% of artist's have had to live by at some point in their lives (I can't think of anything I've stolen off the top of my head, maybe a road traffic sign after a few too many shandy's on a walk home from the pub) Crashing on peoples sofa's and staying in spare rooms. Borrowing equipment, money and cadging lifts here and there. All the usual stuff you have to do to get by.

 

Jettison All Life Rafts

I've lately been pushing my own music and gigging a lot in London. It's such a hard place to be when you haven't got much money. Covers gigs pay well if you can get them but moving equipment to the venues is impossible without transport unless you did about ten trips on the tube. I can't afford a car and don't particularly fancy one in the big city anyway. The venues that provide a stage for original material have the basic set ups and everything I need for vocals, guitar and harmonica but they don't pay well (if they pay at all)

Is it wise to jettison and destroy all life rafts? Those pirates were willing to die, go down with their ship but its a bit extreme to think of that just yet. Maybe in many years from now to die on stage would be an apt way to go but I've still got way too much to achieve before then. I've already divulged my one and only pillage, so I'm not quite up to pirate standard just yet anyway. I've had to adopt a new mentality.

Due to the lack of funds and paid opportunities in my current location I've begun to explore other avenues of income. I've been applying for jobs of all kinds but having not worked (a proper job as most people would call it) in a few years, it's not been easy. I would say my CV is to a pretty good standard and if I'd have worked alongside music I'd have had a better chance of employment, but It's catch 22. A full time job would never allow the freedom to take a gig at a last minutes notice, make it to venues in time or book days off to travel here, there and everywhere.

So I've decided to move back to Wales and concentrate on music at home. I'll also be closer to the North West with Manchester, Liverpool and surrounding areas all having some brilliant music scenes. A part of me feels a bit of a failure but I've spent four months in one of the most expensive cities in the world. Gigging my arse off for free. I think I've done ok. After all, geography is destiny.

I read that people trying to crack New York as a musician move to and from, several times, until they finally find their feet and I can imagine London is very similar. I think that will be the case for me. I'll know more of what to expect should I decide to come back. It may even lead me somewhere else, another new journey. Just writing it now makes me feel more positive, everything happens for a reason. I always look at where I've been and the things I've experienced, people I have met and the knock on effect of where it can take you.

In school they teach us to get qualifications, go to college, then go to university and finally get a job in that given field, but some of the more successful people I know did the complete opposite and are much happier. Lucky if they got one qualification but are now living the lives and doing the jobs they love. I don't know if I can say the same for the people who followed the teachers path. It's not what you know, it's who you know and timing is everything. Has there ever been two truer sayings?

Finally, another big plus of moving back is the recording costs. The songs I've been performing lately are new songs I'll be releasing on an Ep and I'm really excited about them. I've currently got enough material for an album and trying to pick and choose the right songs is pretty tough, but its a nice dilemma to have. The others I may leave or keep working on for later projects. To record the songs in London would just not be possible given my current situation.

Justin Vernon left North Carolina and retreated to his home in Wisconsin following the break-up of both his relationship and then his band. He wrote and recorded the album 'For Emma, Forever Ago' back at his fathers log cabin (whilst eating a shed load of venison apparently) The Bon Iver album was greatly received and one that got him widely recognised.

Not too sure what my choice of meat will be but I'll be taking all the positives from this next chapter in my life, even if it can be so so hard to see the light at times. I'm by no means the first person to be in this situation and I certainly won't be the last but I suppose it doesn't really matter what happens with the music in the end, as long you still enjoy it, it'll always be there.



 

 

Logic Of A Friend - Damon Gough

 

 

Of Your Wasted Life You Should Be Ashamed - Adam F Duritz